this beautiful little video
makes me feel both incredibly connected
it speaks to the longings inside…
longings to go and see and be a part
of beautiful places.
longings to connect with the world
in ways that result in me experiencing
much of it by myself.
it touches on the sense of aloneness
that comes from feeling like
i’m the only person in the world
who has such deep,
even though i’ve met
enough kindred spirits
to know that i’m not.
when i venture out
in search of some
new, unnamed experience,
i choose to do so by myself.
this always causes
a considerable amount of anxiety.
it’s scary to go someplace
you’ve never been all by yourself.
i usually have to talk myself into it
and then put one foot in front
of the other until i’m out the door,
in my car, and on my way.
here's a perfect example.
when i visited cumberland island in january,
i was given a choice
to stay with the tour group
or explore on my own.
i bolted. twice.
first, when we got off the ferry
and again a few hours later
when i ran into them on the beach.
with less than two hours to get to the ferry, i had no idea
where i was, how far i was, or which direction
i should be heading.
when i turned around and saw them.
sometimes when i’m taking in
the beauty of a new place,
i wish there was someone next to me
to share it with…
someone whose shoulder
i could tap with the back of my hand
and say, “hey, look over there…
isn’t that beautiful?”
but the truth is,
the experience is changed
when someone else is there.
it’s not better or worse,
with someone along for the journey,
i don’t start as many
conversations with strangers.
i worry about their comfort
and if they’re having fun
over the wanderlust
that lets me lose(and find)myself
behind the lens of my camera.
when i’m out shooting,
the world is reduced(and expanded)
to what is seen from behind
the viewfinder of my camera.
sometimes i walk for hours
only looking through that small window,
paying no real attention
to where i'm going…
and it’s in these getting lost moments
that i find
what i didn’t even know
i was looking for.
i think that’s why
this little video touches me
the way it does.
i have felt like this toy.
i have felt desperate to get away
at certain times in my life.
and when i was unable to do so,
i dreamed of places
i would visit when i could.
i have felt the wonder and freedom
of taking in new sights
on the roads i’ve traveled.
and with it, the alonenes
so beautifully captured in the video,
that seems necessary for me.
an aloneness that helps me
connect with people in a way
i couldn’t otherwise.
i wonder about this part of myself sometimes.
but in the end,
i think it’s the deep connections
with friends and family
that make it possible
for me to do the things i do,
to write the words i write,
to see the things i see.
and for me,
i think that’s the difference
between being alone and being lonely…
even though there are times i feel that too.
where do you long to go? what do you want to see?