i was paging through a journal
and found an entry
that was written after the funeral
of the mother of a close friend of mine.
i am sharing it here
because it speaks to my feelings
about the meaning of friendship,
which is something that's been on my mind this week.
from the pages of my journal...
i am feeling full of emotion,
thinking about the fragility of life
and the healing power of friendship...
about the connections
and invisible threads
that weave in and out of our lives,
keeping us close
when life keeps us apart,
and pulls us closer together
when something happens.
i'm thinking about the events of this past week...
falling asleep to the news monday night
and waking up to dawn's flight info a few hours later.
i'm thinking about having her here
tuesday through today,
and all the friendship moments
that happened in-between.
my heart feels so full right now.
i'm thinking about the countless moments
that moved me in one way or another,
wanting to write each one down so that I don't forget,
so that the details remain with me,
because there were so many beautiful
i'm thinking about seeing dawn
when her mom dropped her off,
and how there's never any awkwardness between us.
we always pick up right where we left off,
like it was just a day or two
since we last saw each other
instead of a year and a half.
i'm thinking about the way
we can tell each other anything and everything...
the way we can say things to each other
we might not say to someone else.
i'm thinking about the funeral
and the way it felt like another end
to our childhoods,
another rite of passage
taking us further away
from who we were then,
another part of our life left to remember-when stories.
i'm thinking about the way it felt seeing
so many faces from the past.
the way so many emotions welled up inside of me...
the laughter and nostalgia,
the sadness that was like a sister
to the bittersweet feeling
of being so happy to be together,
yet wishing we were somehow drawn together
under different circumstances...
i'm wondering how many more funerals
will bring us back together
as we say good-bye to parents,
we're at that age now
and it's a terrible side effect
of the multi-layered relationships we share.
the only downside to the tremendous love
we all have for each other.
the happiness and hurt
are inextricably linked.
i'm thinking about the way
funerals, food, and friendship
the way we need sustenance even in the face of such loss.
i'm thinking about meeting at corks,
and the way it felt to be surrounded by my dear friends.
as i looked around the table and took a moment
to take in the enormity
of such a seemingly small thing...
dawn, bobbie, tammi, fred, serena, julie, sharon,
greg, wayne, darla, and myself...
all the stories we've shared.
the ways we've been there for each other.
the blessing of these friends
who are unlike any others in my life
that's full of so many deep friendships,
of what we mean to each other...
i took it all in as i looked at the faces
of these friends i love...
sitting by a window with a view of downtown,
a place that i love...
in a room decorated for christmas,
the soft glow of white light...
it was almost,
but not quite,
and as always,
our time together
we too brief,
those few days were about friendships
that spanned miles,
and countless life changes,
and the way in spite of all that,
we somehow remained the same.
f r i e n d s
who have known each other
and young adults...
our histories are interwoven.
we have become a part of the fabric
of each other's lives.
we know one another's mistakes,
to a tightly-knit group,
special to each other
because of who we were then,
who we are now,
and how much we've always meant
and will always mean
to each other.
i am grateful to be part of their lives...
fortunate to know and be known by them.
with these friends,
i share a connection
that's there no matter how much time passes
between seeing their faces.
to quantify with words.